Lucid, Ch. 4

Chapter Warning:   More lime comin' your way, folks (but only a little- don't get too excited).  Enjoy!

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Chapter 4

Rai's Folly/ Jack's Growth

That night Kimiko dreamed about Chase Young again.  It had been nothing so forward or pulse-racing as the first one, which surprised her after the encounter she'd had with him during the Showdown.  She had been curled up against him on her bedroll once again, but this time they only talked; although she did have to pause every now and again because the occasional grazing of his teeth and tongue over the pulse in her throat was far too distracting.  But then, even in her dreams he was evil, for the moment she would give in- her teeth sinking into her bottom lip and her eyes drifting closed as her head tilted, offering more of her skin to his warm mouth- he would stop, insisting that she shouldn't begin a discussion if she couldn't concentrate on what she was saying.

It was difficult to remember in her waking hours just what they'd talked about.  She was almost certain that she'd reprimanded him for the way his conscious-self had taken advantage of her naïveté and positive she'd complained about the way the other dragons coddled her, despite having proven time and again that she could take any of them- separately or all at once- in a fight.  There was also the chance that she'd confided in him about her sudden insecurity regarding the time Rai had spent in service to Wuya.

She still couldn't quite reconcile that stolen, steamy moment she'd shared with Chase the day before.  Skipping breakfast, she had gone directly to the training field.  She didn't want to eat or speak or even stop.  Not when she became so hungry she felt nauseous, not when her muscles burned, screaming for rest.  Not even when her knuckles were bruised and bloodied and the practice dummies splintered or falling to pieces.

There was just so much anger and no where to truly direct it.  Because she wasn't angry with Chase Young . . . or with the intimate moment she'd allowed to happen, but with herself.  She still didn't feel wrong for letting him do it . . . or for enjoying it.  She tried to feel guilty for the giddy butterflies it had set loose in her stomach when he'd hinted at something deeper between them- tried and failed.  And she was very close to hating herself for it.

Her lungs were on fire, ribcage aching with every breath and she had to stop for a moment to blink sweat from her eyes.  Leaning forward, she propped her hands on her knees, drawing in a deep, shuddering breath.  Only now did she realize just how long she'd been at this.  There had been a few hours during which the other dragons had come out to train as well, but they'd moved onto the obstacle course, leaving her alone after she'd ignored Omi's fifth plea to accompany them.  Now the sun was beginning to set and she almost hadn't noticed.

Straightening, she gave a long stretch, but just as she thought of finally retiring, a sweet little pulse- a mere shadow of what Chase Young had made her feel the day before- rippled through her and before she knew it, her bloody little fist was crashing into already splintered wood.  The pain that shot through her knuckles was distracting and therefore oddly satisfying.

It wasn't that she wanted to feel that again that upset Kimiko-  she could be realistic about it, it felt good, who wouldn't want more of that?- it was that she wanted it from him.  But this all meant nothing to him- why would it?  'He was just toying with me . . . he had to be'.  Chase's voice played through her mind, 'Kimiko my dear, you can't know a path is blocked until you attempt to explore it'.  He couldn't have meant what it sounded like, not really.  After all, he was evil and he'd proven in the past that he didn't do anything without an ulterior motive.  'What if . . . he's just coming after me because he thinks I'm the weakest?  Even though the others turned, they always came back; maybe he thinks that if I fell to the Heylin side . . . I wouldn't be strong enough to walk away from it like they did.'  Kimiko couldn't help frowning.  'Or maybe it's just been a while since he's gotten any and figured I'm a more palatable choice than Wuya.'

But suddenly it was Rai's observation from the other night echoing in her head.  'It was in the way he was looking at you . . . .  I know because . . . it's the same way I look at you.'  Was he right?  Was there more to Chase's actions than she was willing to believe?  'It's the same way I look at you'.  Sighing deeply, she squared her shoulders and let her head fall back for a moment.  She'd known for a long time that Rai liked her, but . . . only now did she start to wonder just how much.  'What if it's more than like?'

One thought fed inevitably into another and she found herself mulling over the muted look of anger in Chase's eyes as he'd watched Rai while asking her if he was who she wanted to do 'those kinds of things' with.  'He couldn't have really cared . . . he was just faking it to trick me'.  That had to be it, didn't it?

'Did you once- even for a second- think of him while I was bringing you to orgasm?'  Even in hindsight, his wording alone was enough to make her blush and she raised her fist to strike again, but was stopped by a familiar voice.

"Kim?"  Rai called, approaching her warily.  "You didn't come in to eat, you okay?"

As he drew closer he could see the condition of the practice dummies and immediately grabbed her wrists, pulling her hands up for examination.  She didn't look at him- she couldn't just now- instead hanging her head as he used the edge of his robe's sleeve to delicately dab blood from her bruised flesh.

"Jesus, Kim, what are you doing?"

She shook her head, surprised to find that she was grateful for the reprieve.  "Nothing.  I guess I just . . . got caught up."

"Yeah, that I can see.  We should go inside, have Master Fung take a look at these, but maybe first . . . we could just sit down for a minute?"

Nodding mutely, Kimiko simply folded her legs beneath her, plopping down.  He stepped around her, taking a seat behind her, his long legs bent up, resting along either side of her.

"You've been acting kind of weird the past couple o' days."

"I know, I'm sorry.  I really don't know what's . . . ."  Her voice trailed off as she felt his hands gently grip her shoulders.  "What are you doing?"

"I just thought you seem like you really need to relax, so . . . ."  His fingertips began kneading in delicate, circular motions.  "Damn, you're tense."

"Rai . . . ."  Kimiko whispered, biting her lip; she was glad he couldn't see her expression darkening.

The massage felt good- really good- his touch was soothing and she couldn't help relaxing back into it, but he was causing it to happen again.  Causing her to remember Chase- his voice, his touch, even the smell of his skin- and she felt guilty suddenly.  Guilty because she still couldn't feel bad and that, in and of itself, was a betrayal of Rai's trust, wasn't it?  But then . . . what was there to betray, really?  It wasn't as though he had ever asked her to be anything more than friends.

"Listen . . . I wanted to talk to you about what happened the other night."

"Hmm?"  Blinking her eyes open- she hadn't even noticed they'd drifted closed- Kimiko realized she had never known Rai was this good with his hands.

He laughed as his fingertips worked a path from her shoulders down to the small of her back.  "If you can't pay attention while I'm doing this then I'll have to stop."

"No, no.  I'm . . . I'm okay."  'Good with his hands?'  Wasn't it possible that what Chase had done . . . would feel just as good if it had been done by Rai?

'Damn it, Kim, what's the matter with you?'  Whatever was happening between her and Chase was affecting her normal thought processes.  Never before would a moment like this- innocent when compared to what she'd experienced with Chase- have led to such a forward, borderline dirty, train of thought.

"When we were talking in your room the other night-"

Kimiko cut off his words with a little growl-like noise.  He had no idea just how quickly it was that her feelings had become so horribly confused and to have Rai's words make her think of Chase and Chase's words make her think of Rai only added to her frustration at her own jumbled emotions.

"Ohh, damn it, Rai!  This isn't about Chase Young again, is it?"

"No, actually . . . ."  His hands stilled and his voice became low and thoughtful.  "I was talking about . . . when Clay interrupted us."

'Oh . . . my 'almost first' kiss'.  Not that it would be her first anymore . . . although she didn't regret that as much as she wished she could.  

"Oh, Rai, I'm sorry . . ."  She twisted around to find him staring at her just the way he had the other night and suddenly couldn't remember exactly what it was she was apologizing for- suddenly she couldn't think of anything but Rai.

She bit deep into her bottom lip as she simply allowed her eyes to wander over his face for a long moment.  The first time they'd met she had thought he was cute, but over the past few years he had matured, becoming more than handsome.  His cheeks had lost some of their roundness, making his lips seem fuller and drawing more attention to his deep-set dark green eyes and his shaggy hair had grown long enough brush his shoulders, lightening to a golden-brown that contrasted his olive skin so perfectly it was hard to believe it was natural.

But it wasn't only his face.  Just over six feet tall in height now, she knew from their training together that his lanky body was all pure, lean muscle.    Before she even realized what she was doing- or could stop herself- her eyes had lowered to watch her fingertips wander gingerly along his collarbone.  The front of his robe closed low enough on his chest to offer a teasing glimpse of smooth, toned flesh and she couldn't help herself.  She'd be lying if she said she'd never wondered what it would feel like to have his bare skin pressed against hers.  Turning fully towards him in a quick, fluid motion, she brought both of her little hands up, delicately tracing his musculature through the fabric.  Her head tilted to one side as she watched the movement of her own fingers over him, almost unaware of his eyes starting to drift shut and his breath faltering.

Rai's hand slid around the back of her neck, causing her fingers to still against him as her gaze lifted to meet his.  She found him looking at her through half-closed, drowsy-seeming eyes that moved from hers to linger on her mouth.  She could feel him breathing in and out like it was her own breath, her wounded knuckles completely forgotten.

"Rai . . . ."  She had no idea what she was going to say.  "Rai, I . . . ."

Shaking his head, he used his hand on the back of her neck to pull her close as he whispered.  "Shut up, Kim."

At the feel of those warm, soft lips pressing to hers, Kimiko's eyelids drifted down and she made a little rumbling noise in the back of her throat.  He caught her bottom lip between each of his, gently nibbling and sucking on it as his arms slipped down to lock around her small waist.  'Guess it's not just his hands he's good with . . . .'  Uncertain what to do, she brought her hands to the opening of his robe, sliding her palms up over his chest and around his neck to clasp behind it- the simple moment of skin-to-skin contact making them both tremble just a little.

The tip of her tongue swept along the little of his mouth she had access to, causing his teeth to sink a bit deeper before releasing her bottom lip.  "Oh, God, Kim . . . ."  He said in a breathless whisper just before thrusting his tongue between her parted lips.

She moaned softly into his mouth- responding the way she'd unwittingly been taught- insistently and eagerly massaging his tongue with her own.  His arms tightened, pulling her up against him, pleasantly surprised when Kimiko took things a step further still by climbing into his lap.  

It didn't occur to her just how forward she was being as she fit herself over him, enjoying how easy it was to feel his body's reaction to hers through their clothing.  Breaking the kiss, she brought her mouth to his throat- doing what she knew felt good- grazing her teeth and tongue along the pulse below his ear.  She began rocking her hips, moving against him; delighting in both the pleasure it sent rippling through her and the pained groan in forced out of him.

"Damn, girl . . ." he murmured softly as he laughed, his breathing turning ragged and his hands slipping down to cup her bottom, his fingers digging almost roughly into her skin through the fabric, "where'd you learn all that?"

At his words, her body stilled and she pulled her head back enough to look into his eyes.  "What?"  Only now did she realize she was doing things she'd learned from dreaming of Chase; Rai knew she'd never had a boyfriend before . . . 'what must be going through his head about me right now?'  "What's that supposed to mean?"

Unsure why she'd taken offense, he shook his head giving an uncertain half-smile.  "Kim . . . it was only a joke."

Grasping his hands, she pulled his arms away and detracted herself from him.  "Well it wasn't funny.  Was I doing something wrong?"  

"No!  Kim, c'mon- I didn't mean anything by it.  I only said it 'cause that was really good-"

"So?"  She was getting angrier by the minute- Rai sure knew how to wreck a mood.

He let out a sigh, understanding now that it sounded like he was implying something.  "It was only a joke- honest.  I just know this was your first time doing anything like that . . . and well, I guess I was just surprised that you seem to know what to do.  I didn't mean to insult you or anything.  I'm sorry, Kim."

Her shoulders slumped as her anger began to fade- of course he was only kidding- the only one who knew she was no longer so innocent was Chase.  But . . . her imagination had never been innocent; she'd been fantasizing about moments like this with Rai- and now with someone else, too- almost since they'd first met.  In every joke there was a grain of truth . . . what if deep down he really thought she hadn't been honest with him back when she'd confided in him that she had never even been kissed?  Even in her fantasies Kimiko wasn't the sheepish type- she couldn't be as aggressive with Rai in reality as she was in her imaginings.  She knew the next time anything happened between them she would have to pretend not to know what to do, but it was so difficult to know how fast was too fast when her only teacher had no shame.

"It's okay. I just . . . overreacted."  He was more experienced than her by far, he'd always been honest with her about that, but she'd never wondered before just how experienced.  "Rai . . . ?"

"Yeah?"

She was trying not to think about it, but it just popped in there.  "Will you tell me . . . what Wuya meant by what she said yesterday?"

His eyes went white all around and for a moment it seemed as though he forgot to breathe.  "Kim . . . ."  He shook his head sadly.  "Please don't ask me that."

That answer was closer to an admission of some type of guilt than he'd have liked, and it was all she needed to hear to bring tears to her eyes.  She knew she was in no position to judge whatever he might have done, not after completely throwing her own morals out the window with Chase- both what she'd let him do and the way she thought of him now- but that had only happened within the past few days.  Rai's time as Wuya's servant had been three years ago and it hurt to think he could have been keeping something like this from her for so long- that even now that she knew something had happened he couldn't tell her.  But then . . . she couldn't tell him about Chase either, could she?

Lowering her head, she felt her bottom lip trembling as she said quietly.  "This can't work, Rai."

"What?"  He reached to place his hands on her shoulders, but she shrugged out of his grasp, standing.  "What are you talking about?"

"Us, Rai.  We will never work . . . not if we can't be honest with eachother."

His head dropped forward as he replied in a low tone.  "Maybe you're right . . . but I just . . . can't talk about that, Kim.  I don't even want to think about.  I'm sorry.  You know that if there were anyone I could ever tell . . . it would be you.  Only you."

"I know, Rai."  She turned and began to walk back toward the temple- only now did her body seem to remember it was injured and a painful throbbing lanced instantly through her hands.

"Kim . . . ."  He called softly, but she didn't turn back, only stilling her steps long enough to hear him out.  "Please don't go?  I . . . don't wanna leave things like this.  I love you."

Finally she looked up, gazing at him over her shoulder, the tears that had been trapped in her eyes beginning to spill out.  "You have no idea how long I've wanted to hear you say that, but right now . . . ."  With a slow shake of her head, she turned away again and continued walking.

"I'm sorry, Rai . . . ."  She whispered so low her voice was barely audible to her own ears.  "I just can't say it back right now . . . ."

Whether she couldn't respond because this wasn't at all how she'd imagined it would be when they at last confessed their feelings . . . or because of other recent circumstances that were causing her to question her own feelings more than perhaps she should, she couldn't tell.  And it was not knowing that was hurting her most of all.

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Chase Young couldn't help the cruel grin that curved his lips.  They had witnessed the entire spectacle through the same misty crystal orb he used to keep tabs on Kimiko's sleeping habits.  Wuya leaned against a distant doorjamb, pretending for all the world as though she didn't care what was going on and Jack was impatiently pacing the length of the room.

"The boy should count his blessings.  He keeps sabotaging himself like this and I might just not have to kill him."

"Chase, you're getting pretty possessive of Kimiko."  Jack observed somewhat timidly- the immortal's face had taken on several enraged visages as he'd watched unblinking and in utter silence from the first moment Raimundo had placed his hands on her to the moment she slipped out of his grasp.

His perfectly arched black eyebrows lifting, Chase responded tonelessly.  "Does it seem that way?  I told you before- I wouldn't kick her out of my bed, and there is nothing more to it."

"Say what you will, but Jack's right."  Wuya chimed in, her voice small and bored sounding.  "Especially for someone so insistent that his only concern is turning the dragons to the Heylin side."

Smirking coldly, Chase turned his attention back to the orb, watching as Kimiko, having had her hands treated and wrapped by Master Fung, slipped out of her bedroom window- fresh tears from her pained encounter with Raimundo welling up in her eyes.  "Wuya, hold your tongue.  You- of all people- have no place marking the fulfillment of carnal desires with a Xiaolin Dragon as something . . . inappropriate."

Jack stopped pacing immediately, scowling.  "Yeah!  You and Raimundo?  What the hell is up with that?"

Quirking an eyebrow, Chase only snickered at the uncharacteristic outburst, golden eyes following the phantom of Kimiko's form as she wandered the outskirts of the temple grounds aimlessly.  

"What's it to you, Jack?"  She inquired, crossing her arms under her breasts.

"Oh, FOR CRYIN' OUT LOUD!  I have been at your side for four years-"

"Off and on."

"Whatever!"  He stomped across the room to stand directly in front of her- having grown taller over the past year or so- and looked down at her, forcing the sorceress to tip her head back to keep eye contact with him.  "I have put up with all sorts of shit from you . . . and he- he was in servitude to you for a like what?  A week?"

Wuya blinked a few times, clearly confused.  "What exactly is your complaint?"

Red eyes turned venomous- he wasn't certain himself why he was so angry, but he was certain that he was sick of being thought of as nothing more than her fumbling lapdog. "Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME?  Why THE HELL don't I get job-perks like that?  What do I have to do to get even the faintest GODDAMNED BIT of recognition from you?"

She shrugged, one fang sinking into her bottom lip as her mouth curved in a thoughtful half-smile.  "The attitude change is a nice start."

Chase's eyes never leaving the orb, he remarked, amused.  "Spicer, when did you grow a backbone?"

Jack shook his head, glaring into Wuya's painted face as he pointed behind him at the crystal orb.  "It was something Kimiko said to me."

Chase bristled inwardly, but kept his reaction entirely to himself.  He didn't need his underlings seeing that he could barely stomach so much as hearing another man say the girl's name.  He truly had no explanation for his interest in Kimiko deepening so quickly, and that alone didn't sit well with him.  The more purely physical he made his desire for her seem, the less chance there was for one of these two fools to get it in their to use her against him.

With a roll of her acid-green eyes, Wuya scowled, groaning.  "Not you, too.  What is it about that girl?"

Jack gave a mirthless chuckle, sounding almost like the idol of darkness standing a few yards away.  "Oh, I don't know- maybe she's not a completely self-absorbed BITCH."

The moment that last word left his lips, Jack turned stalking out of the room.  Wuya's eyes darted around the now empty space before her, almost seeming helpless.  Jack's emboldened tantrum had taken her completely out of her element and she didn't know how to respond.

Taking delight in not only Wuya's loss for words, but in the distraction Jack was providing, Chase allowed himself to smile wickedly.  "Oh, Jack . . . ."  He strolled patiently after the livid young man.  "Do wait up.  I have a job for you."

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Kimiko sat beside the thin creek that ran through the temple grounds, wiping futilely at her eyes.  The tears had stopped sometime ago, but she couldn't keep herself from going through the motions of weeping.  She knew Rai was blaming himself for the way she'd rejected him, but she simply couldn't tell him the truth.  That he was only partly at fault.  Still, knowing how much pain he must be in only added to her own.

The moon was full and bright and she lifted her gaze to it, simply staring for a long moment.  She still didn't know why she couldn't just write off her thoughts of Chase, why she was letting him come between her and Rai.  Whatever was happening with her and Chase was a purely physical thing, wasn't it?  She just  . . . wasn't accustomed to this type of situation, so she was reading too much into it.  'That must be it'.

It had to be . . . she only wanted to believe there was something deeper between them so that it wouldn't feel so wrong.  Yes, that line of thinking sounded plausible.  Standing finally, she brushed her robes off and nodded.  If she kept telling herself that she would believe it soon enough.  She turned to head back to the temple and immediately stopped, blue eyes going wide.

There, only a few feet from her, was an imposing, frighteningly large feline.  'That's one of Chase's cats.  How long was it standing there?'  The beast approached slowly, coming to a halt at her feet and sitting on its haunches.  Lifting its head to look at her, she saw something glittering in its massive jaws.  

It nudged her hand with its snout and then looked up at her once more, expectantly.  Understanding, she held out a trembling hand only to be surprised by what the beast dropped into her palm.  She raised her hand to her face, barely noticing as the cat simply nodded and turned away, disappearing into the trees.

Her fingers splayed, she dangled the silver chain, blinking in shock at the gorgeously cut sapphire teardrop that hung from it.

"It's a gift from Chase."  

She lifted her gaze to see Jack Spicer leaning against a tree.

He shrugged.  "But then you probably guessed that, what with the signature delivery-service and all."

"Yeah, I got it.  So why are you here?"

"I was just trying to get away from Wuya and I saw that cat skulking off.  Got curious."  

"You were trying to get away from Wuya?  When did this start?"

He pushed away from the tree with his shoulder and strolled over to her.  "I heard what she said during the Showdown yesterday."

"Oh."  Kimiko bit her lip, thinking for a long moment.  "Did she tell you what she meant?"

Jack quirked an eyebrow, his serious, downright un-Spicer-like demeanor catching her off guard.  "It wasn't obvious enough for you?  I feel so  . . . slighted by the whole deal I can't even see straight.  And what about you?"

"Me?"

"You must be so freaked out about this whole Raimundo-Wuya thing.  I mean, to think that-"

"I got it, Jack!"  She snapped, holding her hands up as though she was surrendering.  "I don't really want to think about it, okay."

He shrugged.  "Fine, fine.  I understand."  The pendant dangling from her fingers caught his eye and he reached for it, pausing before his fingers actually touched it.  "May I?"

Nodding, she handed it over.  Looking at him just now, she noticed something she hadn't in the course of the last few days.  "Jack . . . when did you stop wearing eyeliner?"

Again he shrugged, turning the necklace over in his hands.  "It's been a while.  Don't get me wrong- I love the stuff as much as the next gothie-villian, but Wuya just kept taking it.  I guess I just figured she could get her own shit.  You know, I heard Chase talking about this thing."

He held the chain up, the pendant swinging minimally beside her head.  "Huh, he was right.  They are the same color."

Turning her head, she glanced at the teardrop and then back at him.  "What?"

"Your eyes.  He said it was the same color as they are."

"He . . . he did?"  This threw her intended line of thinking in regards to Chase out the window.

Nodding, he unclasped the chain, honestly surprised when she allowed him to put it around her neck with out so much as breathing a threat of physical violence.  'It's almost like we're friends . . . creepy.'  "Yup.  He was tearin' up his lair since he got back after all that fun we had yesterday, muttering about this damned thing.  Then a little while ago he just stopped searching and disappeared.  I figured he found whatever stupid little blue thing he was looking for and as I was leaving I saw the panther trotting off, so I wanted to see what all the fuss was about."

Almost unconsciously she reached up, grasping the sapphire between her fingertips.  

Stepping back, he took in the lost look on her face.  "Did . . . did something happen with you and Chase yesterday?  You two were alone for an awfully long time."

"NO!"  Widened blue eyes met Jack's, and she cleared her throat, trying to regain her composure.  "No.  We . . . we just talked."

"Why do I get the feeling that you saying that is like me saying Wuya's just a little bitchy?"  Her eyes narrowed, sudden and malicious, and he backpedaled, turning as he reached the tree-line.  "But hey, what do I know?  None of my business, right?"

Alone once more, Kimiko dropped her head, gazing down at the pendant.  'A gift from Chase?   It has to be a trick or something.'  At last heading back to the temple she resolved that she couldn't keep the necklace.  'I'll just give it back the next time I see him, it's that simple.'  But after only a few moments of twirling the gem between her fingers she already felt reluctant to part with it.

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((I know Jack was a li'l OC here, but in case I wasn't clear- what with all the mention of him 'behaving uncharacteristically'- that's how he's supposed to act.

And I apologize for any typos or missed words, I don't have a beta-reader and I do most of my writing on very scant hours of sleep.  So if you spot any errors in spelling or grammar, please let me know so that I might correct them A.S.A.P.))